Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Planning a wedding gets me thinking about all the traditions involved with weddings. There are a lot, many with roots that gushing brides don't even think about. I don't have anything against tradition, it's just... I wouldn't say I'm the most traditional gal around.

And while I'll be following some of the age-old traditions, there are others I will forgo. I'm not saying these are bad traditions or trying to offend anyone who really loves tradition, just saying why this girl won't follow this particular part of it.

It is "giving away the bride."

Again, I want to reiterate that I DO NOT hate this idea. In fact, I thought this very part was the most amazing part of the last wedding I was in and I even teared up at the amazing bond my friend and her father shared.

A quick google search will tell you the origin of this practice.

The tradition of the father giving away his daughter has its roots in the days of arranged marriages. Daughters in those times were considered their father's property. It was the father's right to give his child to the groom, usually for a price. Today a father giving away his daughter is a symbol of his blessing of the marriage.

Another site I found provided a modern twist: Today, the act of "giving away the bride" is used to show support the union. Many brides today chose to have both parents escort her down the aisle, or they choose to walk unassisted to symbolize their independence.

My not embracing this tradition has nothing to do with its roots. Nor am I saying that by not celebrating this aspect I don't care what my family thinks, because of course I do. Here is my reasoning.

Who would give me away?

You see, my dad passed away two and a half years ago. Not only that, but it's not like he could have walked me down the aisle anyway. I'm pretty sure they don't let guys leave prison for that sort of stuff. So yeah, he's out.

My mom is remarried, but she didn't marry my step-dad until I was already out of high school. So as much as I like him, I don't really feel right having him give me away.

At one time, I thought it would be my brother, but as much as I love him I really doubt he'll even attend my wedding. For one, I'm planning a destination wedding, and for two... well, if you know me you know why I might say this. I really do love him, but I can't really count on him for anything. Plus I'm pretty sure he hates Gary for one reason or another.

And finally, my grandpa passed away about one year ago. There is no doubt that if he were still here I would have asked him to give me away (See, I don't hate the tradition). In fact, I might be planning a wedding closer to home just so he could attend and be a part of my special day. But Grandpa gets a seat in Heaven, which if you ask me will be the best place to watch.

The reason this all came up? Someone told Vincent he would get to "give me away." I'm not mad about any of this, it just got me thinking. I don't want Vincent to give me away. He's 4, and Gary is his dad. We are a family, all of us, together. None of us should be giving any of the other of us away. I did read about some brides who had older children give them away, and that is special. But I am Vincent's. I'm his forever. I will also be Gary's, forever.

And quite honestly, It's not like I'm going anywhere. It's not like if I had my mom "give me away" I would be gone forever like that raggedy old blouse she threw in the garbage. I'm going to stick around, and as much as she might aggravate me sometimes, I'll be hers forever too.

I know I could have my Mom give me away or Gary's dad or someone else special, but as another bride put it... this tradition just doesn't speak to me.

So in the next few months, I'm sure I'll be looking at other traditions and following some, but even more importantly, making some of my own.

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